Many students are buying things to pack and bring pack with them, but their most precious packing will be memories of relating to Israelis, being in Israel, and relating to themselves in new ways through this Israeli encounter. The real packing and unpacking from this trip will take an open frame of mind and an understanding place in one's heart. These bring to mind two offsetting dramas in this week's parashah. In one, the Israelites melt down their earrings for a molten god of gold and they dance around a golden calf of their own making. The Golden Calf represents a moment of profound fear -- tired and hungry from wandering in the desert then leaderless and afraid because Moshe is up on the mountain, the Children of Israel fashion an idol. When God seems the most distant and most abstract, they seek comfort in a god who is tangible, whom they cannot only touch, but also own and control. The second drama also involves Moshe leaving the camp -- but for him it is a moment of profound transcendence. He leaves behind the noise and possessions, the hierarchies and demands of his people in order to get closer to God. Having suspended his own ego and fear, Moshe is motivated by a pure desire to be in the divine presence. This second drama is so intense that Moshe has to wear a veil over his face to shield himself from the divine radiance. We live most of our lives in that first drama. We live in a society that teaches us to seek comfort in what we can own. We even use the language of ownership to describe our relationships. It is common to say "I have a husband" or "We have a son" or "We have close friends." But Judaism idealizes the second drama and encourages us to find moments when we live there. For example, Hebrew uses words derived from "being" rather than "having" or "owning." For example, Hebrew uses the verb "to be" instead of the verb "to have." More precisely, we use the expression "there is to me," instead of "I have." Verbs of being reframe our relationships into the product of presence or knowing rather than the product of having or owning relationships. When Moshe pleads with God: "Oh, let me behold Your Presence?!?" (Shemot 33:18), God reveals Godself to Moshe by the four-letter name for God derived from the verb "to be." Relationships with God are not about having, they are about being. God refuses to show Moshe the face of God, rather God relents and shows Moshe the divine back. Moshe cannot get too close to God without being consumed. But Moshe can experience that which flows from God, from behind, and draw inspiration and comfort from it. "To be" or "to have" that is the question. Two choices are set before us. To build god-like idols or to seek to become more like God. To live in the realm of ego and fear or to come out from hiding behind calves of gold to emulate the God of being. So it is with our time in Israel. What we bring back will not be about what we own or possess. Rather it will be about what we have experienced and what we grow to become passionate about. Our students have been exposed to some ideas they like and others with which they disagree, with ideas that make them think and ideas that enflame their passions. Some students resonate to one idea while others reject that same idea. That is what this journey meant to provoke. Each student arranging the frame of mind and the understanding place in their heart for herself or himself. When we get home and are no longer able to see the trip face to face, so to speak, we will be looking at the 'backside' - the trail or wake - from this trip. And each of us will need to piece together this ten day Journey in the way that grows out of our unique life experience and represents a different direction for our lives. JCHS is not trying to teach one framework for "having" Israel, rather JCHS is trying to encourage each of us to "be" with Israel. What matters most next Shabbat will not be the things we bought but the memories of presence here that we bring home. A week from now this Journey will be a shadow passing by. What an inspiration that shadow can be if we open our minds and hearts to it. Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Howard Ruben >back to top | 
